(Photo by Jen Theodore, courtesy of Unsplash)
Question: Wouldn’t I also be attached to a person when I truly love them?
Swami Satchidananda: One should be loving but not attached. Attachment is far different from love. Attachment is always personal and selfish: “So and-so makes me happy when we are together; if I can keep so-and-so with me I can continue to be happy; therefore I will love so-and-so. ”
The difference between attachment and love is really clear: love means that if I truly love you, I must always think of your benefit first, not my own cravings. In attachment my first thought is, ”What’s in this for me? ”
We can approach this matter from a different angle also, If you are attached to the essence of a person, you can retain that attachment for you are honoring the Reality of that person. But if you are attached to the superficial, such as their body, their mind, their possessions or position, their personality—or the fact that they are attached to you—you will lose the affection which you have now because these things are not permanent.
Question: I am puzzled about detachment. It seems so cold.
Swami Satchidananda: Detachment is not disinterest in the welfare of humanity, or indifference to other people’s real needs. What we should detach ourselves from is our own selfishness and personal craving. In this way we will be more receptive to all of life. That is what the great saintly people teach us. Mahatma Gandhi, for instance, was detached from his personal desires and prejudices, giving him more time for his fellow countrymen. The more you are free of personal attachments, the more you are open to the essence of other people. But at the same time you should not demand that they receive you. You do your duty to help them. If they are open they will make use of the service. If not, you should not become disappointed. People must be capable of receiving what you have to offer. If they are not open, then even if God comes to help them it will be to no avail.
Question: In non-attachment would I become ambitionless?
Answer: Non-attachment will bring you a clear and peaceful mind. With such a mind you will understand your duty in the world. You will be far more useful than restless people who are captives of their likes and dislikes. Those who are at one with themselves can find success in everything they do. That is why in the midst of all our daily activities, we need a detached attitude in order to discover the source of our true peace.
