Photo by Sandy Millar courtesy of Unsplash.com
There is a saying, “Marriages are made in heaven.” Heaven is wherever the spirit is expressed. In this sense, a true marriage is not only on the physical level. The couple temporarily rises to a lofty height. We could say that their wedding is a celestial gathering. The couple is not made up of ordinary human beings but divine beings.
That is why the Bible says that marriage is conducted in heaven. It does not mean we take a rocket and go to some distant heaven to perform the marriage, but rather that we bring that heavenly atmosphere right to the place where the marriage is performed.
The couple should not think that they are merely ordinary human beings coming together on the physical level. What makes us human? The physical body makes us human or animal, but the spirit within is neither human nor animal.
During a wedding ceremony—at least in Hindu tradition—the couple is elevated to the spiritual level. On that level, they come together and are treated as divine beings. They are decorated and dressed like gods and goddesses. Even the altar is adorned with flowers and beautiful decorations. The couple themselves are garlanded and then exchange those flower garlands as a recognition of the divine in each other.
This reminds me of the great utterance by Yajnavalkya in the Brihadaranyaka Upanishad, where he explains that love stems from the connection to the one universal Self, not to the individual persona.
What is the purpose of marriage? It is through marriage that the real life of dedication and sharing begins. Before marriage, one lives for oneself. Even when that person receives a pound of chocolate as a gift, they might eat it all alone. But after marriage, they can no longer do that because the other partner will expect at least half! And if one doesn’t share, the other will be unhappy.
As an individual, one can do anything one wants. But in marriage, the real sharing and caring begin. Very soon, if they learn the proper lesson, the couple can rise to another level—not just sharing but giving themselves completely to each other. One says, “I am yours 100 percent,” and the other replies, “I am yours 100 percent.” There is total dedication. When they give to each other like this they are no longer two but become one. It is to realize this oneness while still being two on the physical level that a couple marries.
In nature, we see many examples of this unity. Take your own body, for instance. You have two eyes. I used to wonder why God gave us two eyes since we see only one thing at a time. Even though we have two eyes, do we see two different things simultaneously? No. God has given us a small hint: You have two, but you see one. Never try to see two with two eyes. If you ever try to do that, people may take you to an asylum!
The married couple is like that. They may each say “I,” but ultimately they must see as one otherwise, they will continually disagree. They should behave like the two eyes, like the two wings of a bird, or like the two oars of a boat.
In this way, married life becomes the beginning of lifelong journey of selflessness and dedication. Those two partners then give all they have for the sake of another little one later on. And then, their giving expands—to neighbors, friends, and relatives. Eventually, they break the fence of calling themselves “householders” and begin to hold the entire universe in their hearts.
Let us remember that married life is not always easy. In this life of dedication, there may be certain pitfalls and slippery slopes. But couples should not be discouraged by them. They should get up and walk again with reassurance and affirmation. There may be little disagreements in between, but these should soon be settled, and they will be, if the couple has not come together merely for material reasons or physical attraction. If the purpose of marriage is truly understood and lived in its real spirit, they will be able to stay together and grow together as one.
